My first story was when I was very young. At five I was molested. I didn’t even know what that word meant at that time. All I knew was that an older boy did something to me a few times and I told my cousin nonchalantly in one of our conversations. I remembered she immediately told my sister. My sister started crying and she told my dad. My dad asked me who hurt me? Terrified, I answered “Bryan.” Bryan was my next door neighbor. Instantly I became overwhelmed with many emotions. I was confused about why my dad was yelling at Bryan’s dad and why his dad was angry. I was even more confused when the cops came to my house. I remember feeling guilt that someone was going to get in trouble. I felt all the cussing and fighting around me were because of me. Going through counselling was extremely awkward. I remembered demonstrating what Bryan did to me by using two Raggedy Ann dolls. However, despite the awkwardness and embarrassment, I wasn’t prepared to face the torment from his younger sisters at school. I felt scared, ashamed, and completely isolated. No one was talking to me. No one helped me understand what was going on.
Fast forward to when I was 7 years old. My Dad remarried. Through my innocent eyes, it happened suddenly. One day, my Dad said, “Son, I am getting married.” My step-mom moved into my Dad’s house with her two kids. For some reason I never liked my “evil step-mom.” I could never put my finger on it. Perhaps it was because she was constantly calling me “fat” or the time she directly and bluntly said she was only going to buy her kids’ favorite cereal and not mine.
At that time, my sister and I were eight years apart. She was busy working and getting ready for her Freshman year in college while my Dad was busy running his business. I was left at home alone with my step-mom that seemed to put her kids’ needs before me. I felt she didn’t love me. Her actions made me feel alone and unimportant because her kids’ needs were her priority. So, my hatred towards her increased. One day I told her to her face that I hated her. She told my Dad and I was quickly punished. Instead of understanding why I used the word “hate”, he punished me and I felt silenced. Why couldn’t he defend me like I was “his own child”. Where was the same dad that defended me when I was 5 years old?
Facing all these difficulties at home spilled over to my school life. I felt resentful and angry. I remember kicking my teacher for no apparent reason. School at that time was challenging. I was picked on for my weight and I had gynecomastia (swollen male breast tissue caused by a hormone imbalance). I was called Ronald McDonald Fat boy. I weighed 206lbs by the time I was in 6th grade.
I was frustrated. I attempted to talk to my Dad regarding how I felt and he did not listen nor help me with my loneliness and shame.
The feeling of being silenced, forgotten, and isolated followed me through high school. All I ever wanted at this point was to fit in and be accepted by someone since I wasn’t accepted by my step-mom. When I entered high school, I was 220lbs. I wanted to lose weight thinking that I will be accepted if I fit into the social norm. Out of desperation, I used ex-lax. I lost 64 lbs in less than 6 months. Despite losing the weight, I didn’t achieve the results I wanted: acceptance and confidence.
August 2018 was a pivotal moment of my life. Prior to this point, my life was broken. I had no direction. As an adult, I was in and out of relationships and my relationship with my kids were estranged. My life was in shambles and I felt defeated. I spent nights praying to God and asking for a change. One night, I broke down crying. It is as though someone had died. And someone did. It was the old me.
The next day was the start of my new journey. I downloaded my very first audible, John Maxwell, “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth.” This audible created a chain effect. I started listening to audibles on a daily basis from John Maxwell, Stephan Covey, James Clear and Jim Rohn. The dilemma with listening to audibles is that while I found them insightful I had nobody to turn to when I had questions. My curiosity and desire to seek more prompted me to hire a professional life coach, Jason Hartanov in April 2019. He has changed my life from self-destruction to guiding me to a different perspective in life. I learned the biggest lesson of life from him: Change starts within “YOU.” If you do not change, how can you expect everything around you to improve.
In 2019, I attended IPEC, a professional life coaching school. IPEC taught me everything I was seeking for my entire life. It taught me that change is possible and that changing my mindset and perspective was the key to success. Everything and anything I have ever wanted to achieve is within me. Graduating and becoming a certified Professional Life Coach has aligned with my purpose: To help those who are tired of who they are and what they are.
Yes, my childhood was rough, yes I was overwhelmed with the lack of attention. But I turned it around. I learned- When you break down, you breakthrough. Or, as the great Japanese proverb says: “Fall down Seven times, Get up Eight! All my struggles lead to my life’s work, as a trainer and coach. My passion is to infuse people with confidence. I do this by always listening to my clients needs and fears. I learned the hard way that everyone needs support and encouragement. For everyone, there is help out there, you just have to take that first step to find it.
